Do the Dew

The machine hums contently as we approach.

“I want Mountain Dew,” you insist, sounding like a child.

This machine only has pictures of Gatorade, Pepsi, and Lipton Tea.

Frustrated, you paw at the picture of the Diet Pepsi.

“You have to press the button, not the picture,” I say.

You notice this and laugh. You also need to put the money in. I watch as you feed a single dollar into the machine.

“How much is it?”

“I dunno.”

You press the button for a Diet Pepsi, but nothing happens.

“You need another dollar,” I say, finally noticing the prices beneath the enlarged photos of ice-cold bottles.

“I want a Mountain Dew,” you say again, after feeding the machine another dollar, which it greedily accepts.

“Hold on.” There are eleven photos and nine buttons. One of those buttons is a Mountain Dew button. For no logical reason, I believe if you hit the Mountain Dew button you will receive one.

“Press the Mountain Dew button,” I say with a mischievous grin.

You grin back, uncertainty in your eyes. “Should I?”


With a deep breath, you press the Mountain Dew button. Anxious, we stare at the black square at the bottom of the machine. After the span of several breaths, a bottle pops out. A Lipton Tea.

“I hate tea!” you whine petulantly.

My laugher is so loud I’m sure they can hear it all the way down the apartment complex. Eventually I recover, wiping the tears from my eyes to find you standing there holding the Lipton Tea with disdain.

“Come on,” I say, heading towards the next machine, “I’ll buy you a Mountain Dew.”

“Well, I thought you had figured out the probability of getting one!”

“The probability?” I say, erupting into laugher once more. “I don’t math. I was just trying to decide if there would be Mountain Dew in the machine at all!”

Laughing, we walk back to the apartment, Lipton Tea in hand.


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